DISCERNMENT COUNSELING
DISCERNMENT COUNSELING
Should you stay or should you go? Discernment counseling can help you decide.
Ben and Cynthia have been together for seven years, married for four, and have two kids. Since the birth of their second child, arguments between Ben and Cynthia have escalated to the point Cynthia’s threats of “I can’t do this anymore!” are met with shrugs. But after their last fight, she left to stay at her parents’ house for the weekend. It was a wake-up call for Ben, who wants to try couples therapy to improve communication and repair their partnership. Cynthia is tired of arguing and is still seriously considering a long-term separation.
Does this fictitious (yet all too real) couple sound like you and your partner? When partners are on the brink of separation or divorce, discernment counseling can provide a way to clarify whether the relationship issues can be fixed. I will work to help both
partners identify how they are contributing to relationship issues and explore potential solutions. Discernment counseling is considered successful when both partners have an increased understanding of what went wrong in the relationship and how they want to move forward.
During discernment counseling, I create a holding environment for the couples to understand each other and decide on a direction for their marriage, whether that is divorce or one last try to make it work. It’s a short term, intensive process lasting 1-5 sessions. Discernment counseling is not a “magic pill.” It can’t force a spouse who is determined to divorce to change his/her mind. It won’t create a perfectly harmonious relationship between spouses who have let their relationship deteriorate past the point of no return. But, for those couples who are unhappy and are stuck going in circles trying to decide what to do with their marriage, it can help provide clarity about where they are at, and allow them to confidently move forward with whatever decision they make.